Tag Archives: speakup

Ordinary person

Mother, if you had the chance to quit, would you have taken it?

How do we end up in our own personal nightmare? When you wake up and find yourself there, what do you do? Do you accept or do you rebel? You try to escape the mistakes made by them and still, you make the same ones. So where does your self recognition stand?

I am positively sure you all know what I’m talking about when I say – to hell with this. To hell with everything. For the first time ever, I am not going to shut myself up. Speak up – said one of the bitches in one of the awful American movies. Speak up for God sake!

And being the coward that you always have been, parallel to this though you should simply shut up. Shut up so hard that it hurts. you just simply cannot speak up. What would you say? Do you even know what you would say? Do you have any idea which words you would use or even how to start? Of course not. Speaking up is not a real thing. Just as much as a perfect working mother, speaking up only exists in those fucking movies.

So you take a few hours, listen to very sad songs – you realize that your Spotify list contains mainly those -, maybe write some stuff to your blog, hoping that it will save you somehow. Your drink a cup of coffee and a big cup of tea. Classic move. Like the steps of grief. Anger, sadness, depression, calmness, acceptance. All in one hour. Your realize that you have died   a g a i n   and you are burying yourself. “She had a good life” – you say and than you keep on living the life she lived. Without stepping or speaking up. Without strength, wisdom or any of the good qualities that might be helpful. You go back to being her, an ordinary person.

Mother, do I have a chance to quit or do I not?
When you had the chance, why didn’t you take it?

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