Surrounded with friends and family, yet feeling absolute numbness in yourself. That is what I call solitude.
No wonder nobody understands, no matter how hard they try, to understand what your eyes are saying when even you can’t figure out.
Decode. All you want is to decode yourself, to decide, to know what your thoughts mean. Or just to know what your thoughts are. Is it possible to be aware? Or you just accept the defeat and give up the war? Maybe waiting it out is the solution? Or do you have to fight harder? Is there any chance to win all by yourself? Is there any chance to win at all?
You want to do so much, yet you do absolutely nothing. You make decisions without ever really knowing about the consequences. You say things, you do things, you feel things. Always seeing ambivalents. Drives me nuts.
No beginning, no ending. Just the constant whatever it is. But it is constant. Permanent. Never fades away or disappears. Does it make any sense? I doubt so.