Monthly Archives: March 2013

Sex changes everything

Indeed it does. Either it makes a relationship better or worse, or just makes a relationship. Or not.

When two people are in love, they can conquer anything. But if the sex isn’t good enough, their relationship is doomed. And conquering just falls out the window. If they’re not in love, but the sex is heavenly, they might fall in love with each other after their bodies did. So it changes everything.

But what happens, when they don’t know yet? What if they don’t wait? What if one loves another, however the other doesn’t love one. What if one wants a relationship, and the other one just wants the body parts? What happens then?

I met a boy. He was extremely charming and funny, so yeah, I kinda had a thing for him. But when I want someone to be my boyfriend, I make them wait. Not for too long, just a little. To see deeper. But the boy wanted sex and he kept saying things that – after about one and a half days – led to sex. And what I realized after, is that sex changes everything. Now what I feel? I don’t know. But definately lost most of my interest in him. Having sex with him made him one of many. So now, how can I feel anything for someone who is exactly like a hundred others? Now I look at his face and mostly I see someone I had. I see a night, a morning and nothing else. What should I have done?

I know. I should’ve said no. And I did. Like a thousand times. But he kept praying my pants off. And you know what? I don’t care, or at least I don’t want to care about the fact that we became a one-night stand. After a while I just said ‘You know what? Fuck you. I’m done. Let’s fuck.’. And the thing is that I just wanted him to stop. Although it felt good that he wants me and not the other 20 girls lurking around him like puppies. But was it worth it? I don’t know. I just know that in spite of the fact that I had an orgasm, I really don’t feel satisfied. And yeah. Sex changed everything. Before, I looked at him and all I could see was his ridiculously cute smile. Now, I don’t know what I’m seeing anymore. The smile is still there, the face is still there but we look at each other differently.

So I don’t know anything anymore. What do I want? Who do I want? Maybe all this is just again about searching love. Sex is good. But be careful. It has consequences.

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Said the Raven: nevermore.

But I would very much like to ask this raven: nevermore what?

Nevermore love. Bullshit. Nobody can live without loving. And I really don’t wanna sound cheesy when I write this down. But seriously. What is life without love? Of course, we think it is possible to live a life without love but if we dig deep down, we realize that love is the fucking center of everything, and I mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Every choice you have to make, every person you make contact with, every family, every friendship, every fucking shopping is about love. The love you feel for others and the love you feel for yourself. Even when you color your nails orange, it’s out of love. Love for spring, love for someone who asked you to do it or love for yourself because it makes you happier.

And that’s just the common love. Let’s not forget about the fact that we all search our love of the life, every relationship we’re in, every date we have, every lifechanging thing we do is about searching for the one. We tend to forget that. We make up stories, like ‘who needs a partner when I have such good friends’ or ‘being hurt doesn’t worth it’ but we know deep down that these sentences we say are bullshit. Wherever I look, I found that people are searching for their soulmates, they wanna find someone special, they wanna know what all the fuss is about.

And yes. Love can hurt. Big time. Anybody can get their heart broken into billions of little peaces. But do we stop? Maybe, for a while, until we realize, we never really stopped. You can build up endless layers of walls onto your soul (heart) but honestly, if you stop for a minute with the bullshit, you’ll realize that you’re just craving for someone to destroy those walls.

All anybody wants is love. So dear raven, if you think that you can live your life without love, here’s something I have to tell you: you just simply can’t. I understand why you don’t wanna think about love at all, however, I also know that fighting something proves the existence of that something. And in our case that something is simply the need to love and to be loved. We can lie as much as we want but those two things are the reason why we don’t kill ourselves. Because we always have hope that the one will eventually come, no matter how old we are.

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