Monthly Archives: February 2013

Singing with the rain

Or, I could also say, swimming with the flow. Because you, my friend, are in a huge river, and there is nothing you could do to turn back. – yes, sometimes I like to talk about myself and call me ‘my friend’..

So at night you want to confess your love to someone very important to you, than 24 hours later, you break every connection with him. Why? Because I’m not a psychich and I have absolutely no idea about other people’s thoughts or appearantly I have no idea about other people’s reactions.

Okay. So you have a few somebody in your life. At the same time. But that’s okay. They all know the harsh truth and accept it, so you can just enjoy all the good this thing we call life gave you. So yo’re enjoying it, but then the best friend makes a move and you realize: wow, he’s a lot more important. Then you decide not to tell him, because that’s the mature thing to do, however, he finds out from the BF. And you expect him to be a little angry and jealous but he’s not. And then you feel sorry for yourself, break up the reltionship you two had, and meet other people, exactly his age but nowhere near like him. And you like it. Although you did’t forget about him, not even for a second but you still feel safer.

So that’s it. Your heart gets broken – or something like that – and you find someone to make the pain go away. And it does get better. Now I know why people use each other. It’s easy. To use their pain.

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Love always comes with a price.

Or at least that’s what Annie said in 90210. Of course, she got a huge check after every night spent with her knight so in her case yeah. We could say that love always comes with a price. But is it true?

I mean after a while we all learn that love is indeed painful usually, however, I’m not sure we could say it comes with a price. You have several options but let’s face it – you’re either happy and loved back or not. In the first scenario the price of love is basically your sanity. I was in love once, or at least I thought I was, and let me tell you honestly that my brain just stopped working. I couldn’t focus on my studies, I couldn’t focus on my work and I couldn’t even focus on myself. When you love and you’re loved back, there’s nothing keeping you on the ground. People who think it’s possible, are lying. Because what is love if not the feeling of flying? And if you’re capable of flying, well there’s nothing anyone can do to keep on the mud we call Earth.

The second scenario is when you love but you don’t get it back. That just simply sucks. I mean let’s face it, there are not so many things that suck more than loving someone unconditionally and not getting back that big blue loving eyes of your love of the life. Of course, normally we think that whoever we love truly, will be the love of our lives. Because in that time during our life, he or she is the one and only. So if we wanna talk about price, then there’s that. The possibility of being able to fly. If my love of my life doesn’t love me back than he takes away my hope of ever being able to fly.

Have you ever wondered about your ability to love? Well that’s the ultimate price. Because loving someone might be common these days but I am quite sure true love is rare. (Although I have to say people keep surprising me with their storis nowadays..) What I’m saying is that for me, the biggest price I had to pay for love was the doubt. Can I love someone? Am I capable of staying faithul to someone til death do us part? Will I ever know what it means to love someone unconditionally? Will I ever meet someone with whom I wanna spend the rest of my life? Even after having my heart broken into a thousand pieces because of this crazy little thing called love, I have doubt. After all, I did kiss someone while being in a relationship. And don’t get me wrong, I loved him with all my heart. Or at least I think I did. But did I?

Today I almost confessed my love to someone. Later I thought about it, and in one hour my plan to call him and confess changed into a voice in my head that said: ‘Are you out of your mind?! You don’t love him, why do you always feel the urge to love somebody? Can’t you just not mess up a perfectly normal relationship for once?!’

And that voice was perfectly right. Because my plan to confess my love was only brought up because I am once again in doubt about my ability to be someone’s other half.

So that’s it. Maybe Annie was right. Love does come with a price. Even if it’s not cash or check. It’s just our personality.

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